#43 - Nicola Lipscombe on Leading with the Heart, being your authentic self, and Transforming ourselves from the Inside Out.

Nicola Lipscombe is a global professional speaker and facilitator who bridges the gap between western science with eastern philosophy and ancient wisdom. She is known for her ability to blend cutting edge research and storytelling into practical and engaging tips her audiences love. 

She is the Creator of HeartWise™ Leadership, Powerful Listening, Powerful Speaking and Friday’s Mindful Moments, and works with leaders who genuinely care about their people first. Her work has recently been featured in Inspiring Workplaces (UK), The Happiness Project (India) and on Side Walk Talk (US). 

With a deep love of learning, she has degrees in Pharmacy, Higher Education, a Masters in Applied Positive Psychology and certifications in Neurolinguistic Programming, Management Practices, Training and Assessment, Coaching, Hear With Heart and The Art of (Feminine) Presence. 

A former pharmacist and academic her quest is now one of CONNECTION, AWAKENING and BELONGING. 

More than a speaking professional Nicola is also a poet, a photographer, and a mindfulness practitioner who adores nature, street art and her collection of (op shop) denim jackets! 

She empowers leaders and human change-makers to authentically and powerfully transform themselves from the inside out and positively change the world of work. 

An introvert at heart she seeks deeply meaningful conversations and is truly not interested in your new iPhone and matching AirPods. 

In this episode, we deep dive into Nicola's journey to find, understand and appreciate herself, how she overcame the fear of worrying about what others may think. She also shares her story about her battle against cancer and all the reflections that came from this part of her life, We discuss some tips and tricks on how to be your authentic self, the art of listening and how to become comfortable with silence.

Where to find Nicola Lipscombe

• LinkedIn  

Join the conversation on Synergy IQ LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram (@synergyiq) and please support other leaders by liking, subscribing and sharing this podcast. 

Access SynergyIQ Website to get to know more about us. 

Say hello to our host Daniel on LinkedIn. 

Transcript

Synergy IQ: 0:01

Welcome to Creating synergy where we explore what it takes to transform. We are powered by Synergy IQ. Our mission is to help leaders create world class businesses where people are safe, valued, inspired and fulfilled. We can only do this with our amazing community. So thank you for listening

Daniel Franco: 0:20

in to synergises zone welcome back to another episode of The creating synergy podcast. My name is Daniel Franco and today on the show, we have one of the most calming and heartfelt human beings that I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. Nicola Lipscombe, Nicola is a global professional speaker and facilitator who bridges the gap between Western science, Eastern philosophy and ancient wisdom. She is known for ability to blend cutting edge research and storytelling into practical and engaging tips that our audience loves. She is the creator of hot, wise leadership, powerful listening, powerful speaking and Fridays mindful moments and works with leaders who genuinely care about putting their people first. Her work has recently been featured on inspiring workplaces in the UK, the happiness project in India and sidewalk talk in the US. With a deep love of learning. She has degrees in pharmacy higher education. She has a master's in applied positive psychology and certifications in neuro linguistic programming, management practices, training and assessment coaching here with the heart and the art of feminine presence. As a former pharmacist and academic her quest is now one of connection, awakening and belonging. More than just speaking nuclear is also a poet, a photographer and a mindful practitioner who adores nature, she loves street art, and she has a collection of offshore denim jackets. She empowers leaders and humans changemakers to authentically and powerfully transform themselves from the inside out and positively change the world of work. In this episode, we deep dive into Nicolas journey to find, understand and appreciate herself as she overcame the fear of worrying about what others may think. And she also shares her story about the bell, her battle with cancer and all the reflections that came from that part of her life. We also discussed some tips and tricks on how to be your authentic self, the art of listening and how to become comfortable with songs. If you love this episode, which I know you will be sure to hit subscribe button and check us out at SynergyIQ.com.au and synergy IQ on all the social media outlets she is. So welcome back to another episode of The creating synergy podcast. My name is Daniel Franco, your host and today we have the one and only in the lovely Nicola Lipscombe. Welcome to the show. Thank you, Daniel. So Nicola, I've, I've taken a bit of a different approach with this podcast, you are an expert in all things human connection. And so I took a bit of a punt and didn't really prepare all that much for this podcast, because I really wanted to see where we could go with it. I really wanted to deep dive down some rabbit holes with you and not not have any sort of course of action. So I'm going to really leave this one open. And another Yeah, it is good. So I'm excited to I think we'll start with a bit of background, how did you become an expert in this world and in the human connection world, I know you run some programs called Heart Wilds leadership and stuff like that. So I'm really interested in your journey to why you why you decided this human connection piece was was the bit for you.

Nicola Lipscombe: 3:45

That's a big question. And there's no linear or step one, I did this Yes, step two, I did that. It's much more circular and messy, much more human, in fact, to get to where I am now. So let's deep dive into that. Yeah. And part of it is the deep dive into the journey of self. So how I got really fascinated and interested in the human connection piece was being a human myself. And it's a good start. It's a start. I don't believe I'm an alien. I do believe I'm a human or a spiritual being having a human experience, you know, on this planet at this time. And my journey of not feeling necessarily seen or heard or understood and being confused by people around me. So wanting to kind of crack that code of what is it? I was looking around me and I could see or think I could see people that were having these really deeply meaningful relationships, friendships, family can And I felt that I was missing out somehow there was a piece somewhere that I was missing. Because I had a family, I had friends, I had relationships. But I still didn't feel, you know, that real felt deep sense of belonging, of connection of safety of trust, there was something in there that was missing. And, you know, you know, my backstory, there's lots of events for backs,

Daniel Franco: 5:28

feel free to deep dive into those. That is, it's all part

Nicola Lipscombe: 5:31

of it's all it's all part of it. And what happened, I, I guess, was realizing, through my life and my journey, that I wasn't actually really connected to myself, and people didn't really see me. So in the words of Brene, brown, adopt well, and truly my six foot wall reinforced concrete, all the rest, pretty much. So there was no wonder I couldn't really deeply connect with with somebody else. And it was it was fear, fear based on what people would think of me and people pleasing. And a lot of that, like most people is upbringing, schooling, experiences, of not being seen not being heard, putting yourself out there, getting a slap in the face, and going, you know, this is a bit too hard, I think I'll, I became a very good observer, and a very good chameleon to go, Alright, in this setting, this is how people normally kind of behave. So I would adapt and adopt and was brilliant at it. So you know, at school or at university, going into the corporate world, I couldn't remember when I got promoted in the job that I was in at the time to go to Sydney. And so I moved from Adelaide to Sydney corporate environment. And I suddenly had this massive corporate wardrobe. And I knew how to walk the walk and talk, the talk to be in the corporate world, just about got burnt out. And that moved to Queensland, in a much more adventurous kind of Bohemian was a university environment. I'm suddenly in little dresses and cowboy boots, and, you know, feather earrings and adapting to that, because I could see that that's what everybody else was doing. And I so desperately wanted to belong and fit in. And in the process of doing so, hadn't really explored who I am to connect to me so that then if people what are people connecting to? You need to be connected to

Daniel Franco: 7:51

some authenticity, there is huge authenticity. It's an interesting question for me, because I believe personally, adaptability is a key trait of mine, I actually hold it as a badge, in the sense that I can walk into any room and feel comfortable with the people in there, regardless of what room they live in. But I have never thought about about potentially, yeah, holding you back from being actually truly authentic, and being your true self. Why do you believe that you, you went into that space of having to seek people's approval, and adapt and dress the way they dress and, and move? What What was that that sort of drove you into that world?

Nicola Lipscombe: 8:36

The desire to belong? The desire to be thought of? Well, I had done so well.

Daniel Franco: 8:46

So did you not think that you could be thought of well, by being Nicola, or,

Nicola Lipscombe: 8:51

I, there was a huge fear around that. Because I am, I guess my upbringing, per se, was very much around what I did and achievement through you. So did very well, academically, did very well at sport, athletics, Captain, Deputy Head prefect, you know, straight A students, all those markers were what I was valued for. So I didn't have this real sense of who I was, as just Nicklaus just being it was all attached to what I achieved. So I just carried that through. So by the time I was in the workforce, it was like, I have to be the best at whatever it is that I'm doing, because that's what's valued. And it constantly gets reinforced. And when I was in the university environment, as well, I won multiple teaching awards. Because of what I was doing when I was in the pharmaceutical industry. I won the award for the best sales rep in that particular thing for the year, you know, constant rewards. So you're really going against the grain to go, can I be valued outside of anything that I do. And that's a tough thing to get your head around,

Daniel Franco: 10:17

guys. That's why I grapple with every single day.

Nicola Lipscombe: 10:22

And I think people people do, they really do. And I think one of the big turning points for me was in 2011. So I was working at Griffith University on the Gold Coast. So I was in an academic lecturing position, sort of climbing, climbing the ladder in that environment and wanting to be seen as very good academic. And I'd actually come in from what I considered to be the side door, I'd come in initially on contract doing some professional practice workshops, and involved in their placement programs, because I'd been working as a pharmacist for so many years. So it was the professional aspect. But you're surrounded with people who've come up through the ranks with honors with PhDs, they've earned their doctorates. And that was not me. So there was a very much an us and them in the academic environment as well. So I was wanting to be seen as I'm as good as with, you know, in the background, oftentimes, people not received receiving me that way, you'd be the only person going into to meetings without doctor in front of my name, because I didn't have that sort of status. That's that status or perceived knowledge background understanding. And it was January 2011. And I had two summer semester courses back to back that I was set to teach. So it was a large workload on my own. I'd come back from a two week adventure holiday in Cambodia, which I have to say was one of the highlights of my life. And that in itself, I went by myself, joined a group, nobody knew me. And I had a taste of, you know what, I don't have freedom. I've got only this much in my backpack, it doesn't matter what I wear, I may never see these people again, it doesn't matter. You know, I can remember going on a boat cruise one day in my pajamas shorts, because my shorts were dirty. Like, I'd never done anything like that before. And being or feeling accepted by this group of people. So that was actually hadn't really reflected on that much. But that was really quite a pivotal moment of experiencing that freedom and liberation. And people responding to that will be actively

Daniel Franco: 12:58

being accepted for being human as opposed for your achievements. Right,

Nicola Lipscombe: 13:01

exactly. And I was being me, there was a freedom in that and realize, actually, people, there's people who like me, when I'm just me, and they don't even know what I do. You know, those people that had no idea what I did, so that was quite liberating. And then came back to the university and I had a cough. And I was keyed off, because I knew I had to do all this talking with his lecturing and I just had this dry hacking cough. I felt okay. So I finally took myself off to the campus doctor, being good pharmacist, I pretty much had the script in my hand going, here's a couple of broad spectrums. This is the one that I'm allergic to, can you just do one of these, I just need to get rid of this, I thought I'd picked something up in Cambodia. And God bless her and thank you, she totally ignored me, sent me off for an x ray, saying there's something about that cough that doesn't sound right for an adult, came back with an X ray. And she called me into the office and we sort of threw up the X ray and there was this massive, white opaque patch that was sitting in the middle of my lung in the X ray. And it's like, I don't read X rays, but one side looks completely different to the other. Yeah. So there's that. That moment where your mind scrambles and goes, That's not normal. That's not there. The first thing you think of is cancer, which it was and your mind's going, what else I can remember my mind is going what else what else? What else? Could it be assist? What else could it be is it's it's some sort of infection that's grown into this, you know, thing, and just scrambling and realizing that the most likely thing was a tumor, and then going through the process of having a biopsy. It was but we didn't know What it was the pathology couldn't determine. So I had a two week wait before I went into surgery sitting in the complete unknown. And one of the options that they had given me was a sarcoma, which has a very poor prognosis and a short lifespan. So I didn't know. And you can imagine that there's there's a lot of deep thinking that went on in that time, you know, it's kind of a crucible that I was thrown into. That goes, what matters? If this was it? Have I lived the life that I want? And what it came down to more and more was, have I been, who I want and how I want it wasn't the what it was the who and the how. And that really was a big leap frog into my journey of, Well, who am I then if I want to really be who I am and express out in the world? That became the existential crisis as well. I don't actually know who I am. To work that one out. And I think a lot of people,

Daniel Franco: 16:15

I would say most people would be in a similar boat they've ended up with of where they are not not by design, but by by mere chance, your thought process in that moment of not really understanding of whether you had a death sentence handed to you or not, and how did you manage your emotions through that time of your life?

Nicola Lipscombe: 16:40

Surprisingly, there was a, a deep sense of calm that I managed to tap into, which I didn't even know I had or existed within me. It's all very well and good. Projecting if this happened, or that happened, how would I respond? I really went internally, and was able to push the outside world away. When I actually think about it was one of those bizarre situations were having a diagnosis of a tumor and having to have massive cardiothoracic surgery. It gave me a really beautiful excuse to tell the rest of the world to bugger off. I'd fallen into that I was so tied into wanting to achieve and wanting to belong and doing the right things. I was really lost in that spiral, taking things on that was too much, feeling highly overwhelmed. And suddenly, it was almost like I had the window opened to go, you can just tell people, you're dealing with this. And in one sense, again, there was a bizarre sense of freedom. Yes, I didn't know what the outcome was. And there was a huge amount of fear. But there was also an incredible freedom that goes, I don't have to justify anything now to anybody. I can just say, You know what, I'm dealing with a diagnosis, Operation healing. So I was it actually gave me an opportunity in that moment, to start to discover who I was what I liked what I didn't like, because for every decision, it was like, do I really want to be doing this? Now, given that, you know, I might only have this amount of time, it really focused things. And I can remember journaling at the time as well. It was it was the real focus about work really doesn't matter. And what I'm achieving there doesn't matter. It really comes down to how I feel and the sense of aliveness and I decided I wanted way more fun, and aliveness and joy in my life.

Daniel Franco: 19:05

Absolutely, yeah. There's so much so many questions. I want to jump back to pre tumor diagnosis, where you had this sense of desire to achieve and you were seeking approval. That's a common the common behavior traits that we see in the corporate world. We every day, right? And I'd be guilty, I put my hand up as probably being one of those or most definitely being one of those people that are really looking to achieve. There's a fine line between achievement focused and approval, seeking as well in the sense that I, I want to achieve because I want to create a community if there's a real purpose there. What And then as I want to achieve because I want people to see me in a better light, or I want to increase my status level, why do you believe we seek the second moreso than the first? In the sense that why do we seek the approval, and the, you know, the tick box from people over achieving our purpose?

Nicola Lipscombe: 20:24

That's a really good question to ask. I think a lot of it comes down to the desire to feel part of something and feel like we belong. And that if we, if we are part of a tribe, or a community, a clan, you know, which is human beings, we're wired for that. There is a sense of approval that goes with that you approve of me in some way for me to be part of this community to know I am conforming in some way to be part of this tribal community versus that tribal community. So I think in a corporate setting, it's we want to feel part of that team corporate setting. So we are seeking the approval of others to achieve that. Whereas as you and I know that true belonging actually comes from revealing the truth of who you are, and being accepted for that. Yeah. But for most of us, we do the opposite. Because we believe that that is the gateway to that, that sense of belonging? Why do we believe that is probably deeper question, it's easier to achieve, potentially, I think it's easier to achieve, potentially. And I think it's the society and the structure that we have all grown up and been embedded in. I don't know about you, but all my embedding in schooling in university and early on in Korea, I certainly had no coaching or mentoring or models from anybody that said, Who are you? How do you want to express yourself in the world? What matters to you the most? And how can we meld that with what you're doing to contribute? That certainly wasn't a conversation that no, you know, I had it was all about the outcome. What do you want to be? Do you want to be in this profession? This profession, it was all about the the watts so that God gets imbedded in us?

Daniel Franco: 22:59

To the float that this is the fundamental flaw in the education system? Yes. Yeah. Which we could go down a rabbit hole, but we won't go down that one.

Nicola Lipscombe: 23:08

I mean, there are alternate educational models, you know, that are out there. Yeah. But they're not mainstream. Well, they don't conform, do they? Nine. So this is where most human behaviors go back to wall and do what the majority do.

Daniel Franco: 23:24

It's interesting. Well, moving into the time, so your recovery stage. Yeah. And your process back to work. What were some of the decisions that you made?

Nicola Lipscombe: 23:40

Some of the decisions that I made where I don't want work, to be everything, I want life to be bigger, and have more joy, and yeah, energy, and kind of to that. And for me, it became a journey of getting more into my heart and into my body and connecting that with the head because what I realized was, I was living in my head, and I really was a cognitive, intellectual, scientific kind of being to achieve and that works really well in a linear world we were wanting to achieve, but that I always had that sense of something missing. And yes, I explored in that healing and post to move from more the west to the Eastern philosophies. So I started going to yoga Tai Chi, Buddhist mindfulness retreats. kubaton chanting, went to see sound healings, all sorts of different practitioners. and things like Neuro Linguistic Programming exploring that. And I got my first life coach, as well at the time. So I really was starting, I was looking, I was seeking, and then it was I'm a massive reader. So I started to look at what else is there. So then when you and it's like anything, when you have intention and start to ask the questions and look, your world opens up, and suddenly, oh my god, there's books from Eckhart Tolly, I didn't know about him. There's books by Joe Dispenza, Gregg Braden, Bruce Lipton, Carolyn mace. All these alternate thinkers, you know, looking at different philosophies and ways of being and really got attracted, or drawn to Buddhism, and the spiritual belief systems around Buddhism, as well, so And what else did I discover? The HeartMath Institute, I think was a big one for me, and learning about the power and the intuitive wisdom that we have in the heart, and starting to actually explore some of the practices with with that, and discovering Yes, it actually shifted my state, I felt different, I started to connect with people differently. So it became a real seeking exploration journey. And a lot of it to start with, when I was still at the university was in the background. You know, it was kind of this private domain, that foundation, building the building the foundations until I got to a point where it's, there's too much incongruence here, and I quit my academic job, and that was in 2013. So there's a couple of years there were still at university, and I was working part time and trying to see where I would fit in. And then decided I needed I needed a bigger break, because I could feel I was human, I didn't have that crucible moment, I'm never going to fall back into doing work that doesn't suit me or saying yes to things that I don't like, or, you know, agreeing to spend time with people that I didn't connect with, I found as a human being up and down, I was falling back into those old patterns, which are really entrenched. Is it nice, I want to make a bigger, a bigger break. So I quit. So my car so my belongings, put stuff in storage, went did some more travel ended up back in Adelaide, which is where I grew up. And I had every intention of still traveling my my big life plan was to go to Barcelona and learn how to Salsa dance. That's what a brilliant life plan at life didn't go according to plan. I ended up remaining in Adelaide and starting a master's, doing some more workshops, meeting some more people to decide. What am I going to do? I was going to go to Barcelona and I thought I'll find myself there. So I had to flee brand with the city. So I I'd actually been before and I had a conference in Barcelona once and loved it and thought I can spend some time here. So my bucket list. Yeah, so I didn't get I didn't get there. I decided to change my life in Adelaide. And I did

Daniel Franco: 28:37

the books that you read, you mentioned a few times they're like, totally the power of now. Yeah. And then you were Yeah. And then the other one, I haven't read the newest but the power of now is a must read for anyone that really wants to understand the mindfulness pace and being present. Joe Dispenza is breaking the habit of being yourself. That's an interesting book as well. Were they which was the most pivotal book for you in that moment that you went, Oh, actually, I'm onto something here I can I can really feel this foundation being laid strongly, or was it a combination of both.

Nicola Lipscombe: 29:16

It's a combination. I think Eckhart Tolle is the power of now was definitely a big one. And when I read that, again, I almost absorbed it as opposed to cognitively reading it. It was a matter of taking that in and taking that on. Actually the Four Agreements, which is a simpler, a book about Toltec wisdom and not taking anything, personally was a big one to understand that. Because I'd got caught into to that ego itself and taking Everything on and everything that everybody said. And I can remember having those four agreements up in my office at one point in time, and starting to try and live by them. Do you remember? What are you gonna ask me what they all are out there?

Daniel Franco: 30:19

Well, if you don't remember, a beat all the time, I'm running a podcast right now big fan of my, I look up to the Joe Rogan's of the world and the Tim Ferriss of the world. And Joe Rogan definitely says that the Four Agreements was the book that changed his life. It's the one that he reads almost yearly. I have just downloaded the audiobook, actually. So that's why I kind of went. It's funny you said that, because it's one that I'm about to tap into. But if you don't remember him, that's fine. It's just I've heard it's done wonders for many people that well,

Nicola Lipscombe: 30:54

yeah, I know, too. I don't take anything personally. And always do your best, but understanding that your best changes. view as well. So therefore, that brings in that compassion piece,

Daniel Franco: 31:14

as well, that goes with Brene Browns question of to feel like everyone is giving their best will. I'm gonna paraphrase that a bit. But it really is about how can you be frustrated with someone? If you ask yourself that question, are they giving it their best? And if they are, it's really tough to be annoyed at someone. Yeah. Whereas if they're not, then there's an opportunity now to coach them and go, you know, what is this? Why aren't you giving it your best? How can I help you?

Nicola Lipscombe: 31:54

I think from the Four Agreements perspective, it comes from the space that we are all doing our best in that moment, with whatever else is going on. So if we are feeling like we are struggling, then we are doing the best that we can given that we feel that we are struggling. And that therefore it is that ability to accept everybody at the level that they're, they're at. And that is and be okay with that. Another one was another one, the agreements, I won't have this word perfect. It's about the spoken word and about being the integrity or being honest with your word. Because that, and that is a big one that I'm still working on. So my paraphrase of that is speak your truth. And so often we don't, and we couch it, and we phrase it, whereas to really think about am I being honest with my word, and that includes to yourself as well as to others. And part of really getting to know and connecting and understanding yourself or for me if I just speak for me was being honest about how I viewed myself and the words that I was using with myself. And then that goes into the shadow work of there are parts of me, which I didn't like, and I still don't like, and it's learning to go, you know what, and one of them for me is, if I'm honest, I'm judgmental. And I don't mean and in the nice kind of, oh, there's a good perspective. I mean, I do judge people, I have that snap judgment. But I am now acutely aware of that I have much more acceptance and compassion with myself for that. So then you don't get caught up in it. It's like, oh, there you go. There's my judge again. That's interesting, you know why she come up again in this moment with that person? Where's that come from? To be able to untangle from that and understand that there is always a golden shadow? So having good perspective is a golden shadow part of your shadow.

Daniel Franco: 34:21

You You just mentioned how do you like all people should look at how they view themselves. Right?

Nicola Lipscombe: 34:30

I think so.

Daniel Franco: 34:32

I think so too. I struggle with that though myself. Right? And I believe that I'm a deep thinker. And you know, I read a lot about the stoic way I you know, go into a deep dive into all these different areas, but I still to this day, you look in the mirror and can't figure out where I'm at and where I'm going. I have a client I have a strategy, I run my own business, you know, I have a strategy about what I'd like to do. But I think knowing self, is the ever evolving piece that I'm still trying to figure out. How did. How did you get there? And what does it look like? When you know who you are? How does it How does it feel?

Nicola Lipscombe: 35:23

These are really deep and tricky questions, because what I sense that we're doing is were asking, we're asking almost an existential spiritual felt question, wanting a logical, cognitive, let's tie it up in a neat box answer. It's like I can, saying I have is you can't intellectualize your way into or through spirituality. So that question, taps into that thought a little bit. So it's, it's not like I have a bullet point checklist that says, you know, Nicola, is Yeah. And under these circumstances she does, it's very much a felt sense of freedom, of liberation of spaciousness, there's a lightness, there's a joyfulness of simply being. And part of knowing yourself is knowing that you're not going to know yourself. There is no one I don't think there isn't that there. I don't believe there is one oneself we exist we are there is that beingness that we have, and that we're also connected with, with a oneness that goes way beyond ourselves. So it's like we flow with that. So trying to put those labels on is tricky. So part of the finding of the self, I think, is actually realizing all the labels that we put on ourselves and trying to find ourselves and then being able to remove, remove those and go, I simply am. And in this moment, this is who and how I am, but I'm allowing that to come through. Did that kind of yeah, maybe there is no one and

Daniel Franco: 37:20

I think, but in a short sense, it's one that each individual has to find and be comfortable with. It's been

Nicola Lipscombe: 37:27

comfortable. It's, it's been comfortable with the being. And I think one way of probably making a little bit more accessible is if you had no job if you had nothing to achieve, if there was no reason for you to earn money, that the no kind of one of those external things were and you were just sitting on an island somewhere. Who would you be? What are the qualities that would that would come come to the fore? Because you're not trying to do anything?

Daniel Franco: 38:07

Yeah, it's a it's a pondering question. That one I am

Nicola Lipscombe: 38:14

and Daniel's not going to ponder it right in this moment.

Daniel Franco: 38:18

Well, I could not I think most people would want to want to hear me go through what's going on in my head feels like yeah, a whole bunch of young it's all mixed up and messed up at the moment just trying to straighten that out. I think we're all in that space. We're all in

Nicola Lipscombe: 38:35

that space and but part of it is the the story in the illusion that you have a ball of yarn that you have to untangle as opposed to keep going back to ourselves it's you know, way behind all that it's more that presence that being us.

Daniel Franco: 38:51

So are you saying that the the ball of yarn is the way it should be?

Nicola Lipscombe: 38:58

Saying the ball of yarn is more the external if you want to call it the ego self? Yeah, and we actually are not there's so you're trying to untangle something, which isn't new anyway. I get going. I'm also reading a book at the moment called no problem myself, which is about the illusion of self. Yeah. That our self is actually a construct. Ego is simply a construct, and that we are not, we don't exist as a self. So I'm still getting my head around that one. Yeah. It's about going beyond that and connecting to to a larger if you want to think consciousness and that that larger consciousness informs our consciousness and consciousness creates the matter.

Daniel Franco: 39:46

That one's more Brian hasn't got the capacity to stop that information right now. Why really? Why do we always go back to a I'll use the example of the achievement focus versus achievement for approval and all the above and, and you use the question if you're sitting at an island, where you start use the statement, if you're sitting on an island, who would you be, you know, all these, all these brilliant questions come into play, we're really trying to understand each other, we're really trying to understand what our sense of purpose is where we want to be. But society always comes back and hits a square in the face this is you need money to be able to achieve something, you need money to be at experienced stuff, if you want to travel the world, if I want to go through the Mokou Picchu trail, or whatever it might be, I need money to do that. So we're always hit square in the face with Yeah, you can go and be whoever you want to be. But you're not going to be able to experience anything outside the realm of where you currently live. Without money. That's a that's the issue that we always keep coming back to and falling into how do you do that? What is your answer to letting go or understanding how much you need or you don't need?

Nicola Lipscombe: 41:05

I guess it's finding the middle road at the moment, I'm on a path, I've got a long way to go. And I would describe where I'm at, at the moment as the Middle Way, the middle path, where I understand that I do need that income, the fiscal exchange to be able to operate and sustain and survive in the structure that society has at the moment, not that I will always agree with the structure that society has, but I'm in it. And I have enough of a sense to know how to operate within that and enough experience to know how to do that. And combined with that is, well how do I want to be within within that. And when I can come back into more that state of being and in that state of beingness is where our creativity arises from? And what am I or where is where am I most creative? And where does that match somewhere in society that I can offer a service which is going to be helpful, useful, so that I am being myself in what I am creating, to offer, and then have that fiscal astute exchange occur with that. And I am on the path of that in the middle, the middle road at the moment. So the idea in its purity would be what is it that would come through me that would be absolutely me. And that there would be and a community and audience for whom that would serve? Yeah, at the moment, it's a bit, it's a bit of both of I know, what the corporate society in particular are needing and wanting. And I can match that. And I am bringing as much of me in the how to shift what's happening externally, as well, to help people within those settings, realize that they can be more of themselves. So we don't have to go from A to Zed. But if I, you know, unknown, when is it? I'm probably about see. Yeah, you know, long way long way to go. But I certainly feel like I am present within myself. In any interaction that I have, which includes in the work that I do, you know, you what you experience and who you hear and what you see, is far more aligned with what lies behind. I'm not trying to impress, I haven't got the plan that says I've got to make sure Daniel knows this about me. It's purely in the moment and trusting and bringing everything that I am and all my experiences together. And it's it's trying to translate that more into the work that I do as well that it's framed up. But it has so much of me and my energy infused in that and people can feel that, and then helping people to come back into themselves into their bodies to feel into their hearts. So that what they are doing becomes more aligned. Because when you do that often you will realize, actually, this just feels more me and I'm getting a better response for that. So if I've got this choice, a choice point, we have constant choice points. Why don't I do that? And it might be an example for you and running a podcast is you might have two people come to you wanting to be interviewed. Now your logical mind can go, you know, pluses and minuses and what would be good? And what would be best for the, the audience or what might be a good networking opportunity from for you? Or you can kind of step back into yourself and go, who was the person that I resonate with here? The mice? And choose that? And that's coming more from you.

Daniel Franco: 45:22

Virtru

Nicola Lipscombe: 45:23

Yeah. And then you draw different people in?

Daniel Franco: 45:27

Yep. Love it. In a, in a previous conversation. Actually, I'll start off with the mental health pandemic that is happening at the moment. Not code. But the actual mental health, anxiety, depression, the whole lot. You've you and I've had a few conversations offline where you've said that listening can heal.

Nicola Lipscombe: 45:56

Yeah. I truly believe that.

Daniel Franco: 45:59

Can you explain that theory to us?

Nicola Lipscombe: 46:05

Every human being desires and deeply yearns to be seen for who they are not what they do. It's an it's to, to feel that attunement, that resonance, that acceptance, if you want to, I would call it love. So listening is a gateway to that expression of love of feeling truly seen, heard, valued, knowing, accepted, held, for who you are, purely for that essence of who you are. And there's a type of listening that, you know, I tend to call powerful listening, or I might call it heart wise listening, where we are listening really, from an open space of the heart, we're truly grounded centered in our bodies, so that we can receive that other human being and they feel it. It's not about being heard, because cognitively, cognitively, we can hear and understand and comprehend and respond. We can, a lot of people are being heard. But there's no felt sense to it. So it's that feeling heard. And I think when we talk about mental health, that's where I think there's a huge gap that people are not feeling heard. They don't feel like they're part of anything, that sense of connection doesn't really exist, it's quite shallow, or it is on a surface level for the what, not the who. And as human beings. It's the WHO THE who is what connects us and the who gives us gives us meaning if we're truly received and felt by another human being, you know, we're witnessed by somebody. We get that feedback about ourselves, by expressing and being witnessed. We hear that it's reflected back to us. There's a real sense of an increased knowing and accepting and understanding loving itself that comes through being witnessed by another.

Daniel Franco: 48:15

Yeah, absolutely. There's, there's always two sides to the story. If you're not. If so, yes, we need to become better listeners. Right. And we need to become, we need to understand and listen without judgment and listen, without the intent to respond. Right. Yeah.

Nicola Lipscombe: 48:37

That's the famous quote.

Daniel Franco: 48:39

Yeah. But also, on the other hand, if you're not being heard, is there an opportunity to improve your language? Is there an opportunity to improve your message? Is there an opportunity to express more? You know, is it both sides? Or what are your thoughts?

Nicola Lipscombe: 49:00

Oh, I feel like that's a sticky question that can catch me. Okay. I think my personal my personal belief is the onus is on the listener, because I would say if somebody is not feeling like they're being heard, there's an I would go back to the feeling of safety, security, trust, attunement, that is that is there and the primary responsibility for that lies in the listener to create the space that allows that message to arise. And I'm talking about listening to connect and truly understand another human being. I'm not talking about critical listening, comprehensive listening, appreciative listening There are different levels of listening. So I feel that you're asking a question which aligns more with, say the critical or comprehensive, listening to go. How clearly are you articulating your message? How clear Are you on the intention for somebody to comprehend? The type of listening I'm referring to is a human connection piece. Yeah.

Daniel Franco: 50:25

So the empathy, getting in the hole with the person?

Nicola Lipscombe: 50:29

Yeah. Getting in the hole with the person. Or I often call it an empathy cloak, you kind of wrap yourself around, you wrap yourself in a cloak as as them. So you can see through their eyes, hear through their ears, feel through their heart, as if you are them?

Daniel Franco: 50:49

How do you train yourself to be a better listener,

Nicola Lipscombe: 50:52

practice. Big part of that is that mindfulness piece, because we have a massive tendency to interrupt, and most people it has done quite unconsciously. So one of the big pieces to become a better listener is you need to train yourself not to interrupt another human being. And you need to be mindful of when you're getting that urge to interrupt to suppress it and prevent it before it comes out, comes out your mouth. So mindfulness and being fully present is a huge part of listening, being comfortable with silence, so that we can ask a question, and then hold for the other person to think. And most of us are not comfortable with that, to be able to do that. But so much of it when we're talking about that deeper sense of listening is the inner work for your it's, I would call it building your inner listening landscape. You need to understand your own self, biases, judgments, behaviors, and then you can apply that, because really, really good listeners have the ability to put their own ego and self completely aside, and I'm not there yet. But that's what it is, if you really want to hold the space and intentional space for somebody to feel and receive them. You've got to be aware of where you're coming from, you know, where's your intention? Is that a genderless? Or not? What biases are there? You know, what judgments are automatically what stories are you hooking into. So people who have done a lot of self development, personal development work, tend not always tend to be better listeners, because they're aware of where they are getting in the way you

Daniel Franco: 52:53

start a podcast, you become a better listener, you almost by by, by force, you have to become a better listener. But one question I am really interested in is when responding, so I'm in I'm in the hallway, you have put the Call icon. We're in the same world. What is my response? Is my response. Situational? Based on the person that I'm speaking to? Is it arm around, you'll be okay. Or I'm going to offer you a solution that you may have not thought of, what is the response? And I think that's the area where most people fall down is that the if you go back up to that higher level of thinking, you you listen, and you go, yeah, well, that's an easy question. I can I can help answer that. Why would you ask me a question if you didn't want an answer, right? It's kind of where we always see it. So I'm really interested in offline this tough one is and even just in my own relationship with my wife with my kids, I've got two other two young girls. And so I'm listening to them. And I'm constantly asking myself the question, do I just sit and hug him? Or do I respond with an idea? And I'm quite grappled with that.

Nicola Lipscombe: 54:18

I think everybody does, because it does depend on the person and the situation. And people do have also personal listening preferences. So for some people, for them to feel heard, they really want you to say nothing, but they want to feel you they want constant eye contact. They want to see the expressions on your face, and that is what makes them feel heard. For others. They want an element of reflection. That goes, what I'm hearing is I'm getting the sense that and even those two can be sometimes people would want more of don't tell me what I'm saying, don't reflect back to me what I'm saying, because, you know, I just feel like you're being a parrot. Tell me what you're sensing that I'm sensing, you know, so you can say, like, I can sense that you're feeling whatever it is. And that that makes people feel okay, because that's going into deeper at a deeper level. And a lot of people, part of the listening is, it is helping them go to another level. So it's not often offering a solution, it's offering another deeper question, to give them the opportunity to find, to find the answer. And with family as well, when you, you can have the conversations with people about outside of the that listening conversation, you can have conversations about how people prefer to listen, or how they feel, to unpack things to go, you know, the other day when we you know, you were really upset or frustrated with that. And I said this and did that. How was that for you? And get get some feedback that that part of listening is reading other people, it's, it's being able to sense that they do need a physical touch, they do need you to come in and step in. And what we do is when we're learning is you just constantly read and moderate your approach. It's a learning, it's a learning. So if I talk about, you know, my personal experience with people, I tend to not give advice and fix, I tend to ask more questions, the true coaches way, which is more the coaching way, and at times, I will simply ask to go is it okay? If we just sit with this together? And I can read they're attuned to their response to go if there's a slight body sort of relaxed, go, yep, that's what they want. If there seems to be a little bit of noise, then it's like, can I offer in my observation,

Daniel Franco: 57:39

it's good

Nicola Lipscombe: 57:41

to do that, and that's the same with physical as well, other than family, it's, I will, again, you can see people and if they feel like it, or I feel into it and go. I feel like you could do with, you know, a gentle hug now. And it's, it's just a kind of a, and I will again, you just read the other person. And if they, their eyes widen and they lean, it's like, yes. If they kind of go back a little bit, it's like, okay, no, that's fine. Everything's fine. It's not really this conversation. I can see for your listeners. It's, I'm not giving really easy answers.

Daniel Franco: 58:30

No, I think you're doing deep answers, which is very, I think it's great. So don't Don't be judging yourself right now.

Nicola Lipscombe: 58:41

Has just cropped down Yeah, gone. What are you saying

Daniel Franco: 58:46

no, no, I'm loving every word. What? You, I think one of the most powerful things about Nicholas Lipscomb is that when you're in a room with you, you have the ability to create this calming environment. I feel like my heart rate goes down. I'm accepted. I'm, I'm heard. Right. You know, you talk about that human connection. And that is obviously your strength. Teach me, like teach me that. Okay, how do you how do you have that effect on people? And is it something that you you know, you have or is it something that you have worked on? Or is it just purely by your own personal growth and journey that you've ended up in this space?

Nicola Lipscombe: 59:35

Like, that was a triple question. Yeah, it was triple barreled. I have worked on my presence and being myself and then that has resulted in people feeling me differently. I felt different but it's it's only because I've had it reflected back to me, I've had. And really probably in the last three to five years, I've had people like yourself, say that, for me to go, Yep, this is something that I'm able to bring to people in situations, which I wasn't. I didn't used to be because I never used to be told that. And initially, I wasn't aware of it. So it's only through that human interaction that people have said, and in workshops, as well that people will often say, this is a been a really engaging, calm and inspiring workshop, as safe is a word I get, which I never used to get. No, that's a really powerful, and, um, I love that. It's, it worries me, because if people say they're feeling safe in a workshop, how are they feeling outside of that? And that they will, they will share things or find people have shared things that they wouldn't have thought they would be sharing. It's like, I can't believe you know, I told that story in the workshop, because there's this, this feeling of safety, a safe container that that calm that calmness. Yeah, and I would think if we kind of come down a little bit more nuts and bolts, it's the difference between me being present and projecting. And most people project, they're not actually present. So they are projecting how they want to be how they want to be perceived, even something like being calm, you can be projecting that I want people if I, if I can be trying to make people think I'm calm and feel calm, as opposed to the presence of calm that then people experience. So I have done a lot of embodiment and energy work to be very grounded and present in my body, to activate energy centers, to be aligned, and not to be trying to be anything other than in my body, present, open, loving and curious.

Daniel Franco: 1:02:24

I love it. You do a lot of work in heart wise leadership, or really sort of leading from the heart? What's the difference between leading with the heart or making a decision based on what you feel? is the right decision based on you know, that heart feeling? Or a gut feeling? Or is it one of the same?

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:02:53

They are different, I would talk about the three intelligences that we would use would be the intellect of the mind, the intuition of the heart and the instinct of the gut. So we we probably have more brains, but we know we have a cranial brain, a cardiac brain and an enteric or gut, a gut brain. But it seems that the intuitive intelligence of the heart is the gateway. If you believe as as I do an experience that I am part of a universal consciousness and and intelligence and intuitive intelligence that I can access, then the gateway for that is through the heart.

Daniel Franco: 1:03:47

So the heart is the intuition.

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:03:50

Yes. And there are different levels of intuition as as well. Yeah. But so we have a intuitive sense of knowing and wisdom. The heart is much more aligned, I guess, if you think about it, the intuitive knowing and wisdom of who we are and what is right for us. And I think the instinctual gut is more of a keeping a safe, instinctive response. And the heart is more around the true values that we are operating with and aligned with. And that's probably one way of

Daniel Franco: 1:04:31

so you talk about speaking from the heart. Yeah. And so it's speaking to your values. Is that kind of what you're suggesting that? Well, when you work with leaders, and you say, you know, speak from the heart? Well,

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:04:45

it's yes, yes. If you had to put language to it. Yeah, it is. It is speaking it is feeling into what really matters to you in that moment and speaking from there. So it's Not it's not about speaking to impress, it's not about speaking because I'm trying to make an impact here or it's, it's speaking from a deeper sense of this is what really matters to me. And I want to share that. But beyond that, what you do with it is up to you.

Daniel Franco: 1:05:24

So if you're working with a leader, coaching, doing leadership programs, whatever it might be. And there, they got a team of 20 people underneath as part of their team. And they need they're the ones who are keeping these people in check. And on the right in the right direction, following the strategy, meeting the KPIs, how do you have those conversations from the heart? How do you say this is what's really important to me, you need to hit these numbers? Or is that not? Are they not correlated,

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:06:05

they need to work together. numbers is the cognitive side, the way I it's a paradigm shift for people in leadership, whereas I don't want people to be operating from numbers and KPIs. I want people to be operating from that real humanistic people focused on what really matters, what do we value and achieving here? And once we're clear on that, okay, brain mind cognition strategy, what is the best strategy to do that, but not starting necessarily with strategy? Okay, so it's not that we dismiss strategy and KPIs in the corporate world, and in the structure of the world that we live in now. Who knows what will happen in 100 years time, but at the moment, that is the structure that we lead, we lead and live within, but it's leading from the people in the heart and values? And then how do we achieve that with the mind? And then checking in on a regular basis with the heart to go alright, is this still aligned? Or are we moving off track and we got caught in their KPI and the numbers in the strategy and lost sight of what's happening at a human people have focused world. Because there'll be a felt sense with the numbers as well and the process, if we are operating from a truly heart based paradigm, but I'm not saying ignore that, no, but I'm saying, bring that in, in service of,

Daniel Franco: 1:07:52

yeah, just work the other way around

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:07:55

this work the other way around. And so in a corporate speak, that's, that's really values purpose, meaning you have individual and strengths based, and people being allowed to bring their whole selves to work, the diversity and inclusion piece, the belonging piece, and now, collectively, we can be actually much more creative about what we're trying to achieve. And go, alright, mind, brain, you're coming now.

Daniel Franco: 1:08:29

So is that your typical? Is that the typical work that you would do with ladies, you're obviously, two keynotes. You work with leadership teams. If I'm the leader of a business right now listening in and you're not sure I'm loving every single word that Nicholas saying, What? What am I calling you for,

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:08:52

to come and do a heart wise leadership program, which starts with self, so it's developing an understanding yourself, so that you can actually access the different intelligences that you hold the different points of wisdom that you hold, so that you can utilize that. So there's a there's a whole lot of training and practices around developing yourself, and then looking at how we can embed that within the organization but always know thyself, it always, always, always starts with the leader as a self and their self development. And I'd call it a heart wise journey development, which takes the programs or at least start at six months to be able to do that to really die. Moving on. It's not not an overnight fix. And with the coaching that goes with that, because once you start, you've experienced this once you start to change yourself, people relate to you differently. New information becomes available. Things shift. So what you think you're wanting, even for a project at the start of a project shifts because you shift. So your perspective shifts. So you see things differently. So you approach something differently. So a different idea comes and a different opportunity comes. Yeah. But he couldn't have strategically cognitively planned for it. There's a little bit of allowing for emergence, hard concept for a lot of leaders. But it's change. And it's allowing for the at that emergent positive change.

Daniel Franco: 1:10:35

It's amazing when you learn these methodologies, and you take them on, and you introduce them into your everyday life. You almost it almost becomes as if I didn't know this before, like you almost asked that question. How did I not know it's almost too stupid for not knowing this before? And so it's funny, because you can often learn one thing. So today's today's a Thursday, I learned something on Wednesday, Tuesday, I had no idea this, this methodology even existed, yeah, but Friday, I'm out there in the world telling everyone how do you not know this stuff. It's really interesting how quickly we can change our behaviors. And then you then start embodying it, and you start growing from it, and you start learning from it and introducing it into your language. And that way, I feel like you see a big chunk of early change coming into your life,

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:11:40

you'll learn and know, yet something that's true. Once you once you know what, and once you've experienced things, so I'm a big believer in experiencing. So for growth and development, and to be able to experience what it feels like to listen from the heart, and speak from the heart. I guide people through processes, so they literally feel it. It's like Oh, my God, it feels differently. And if we talk about just listing from that space, the difference between listening from your head and listening from your heart moves from tasks to people from negative to positive, from disconnect, to connect, from not being able to solve to more creativity. And I've had this because I do there's a particular exercise I do with leaders and teams and workshops. And the language, the words don't come from me, they come from them over and over and over again, they're putting language to the difference of how it is when they listen from a different space when we open up that space. And it can sound a bit you know, woowoo, but it's it's grounding people into a different intelligence, and a different energetic space, and much more coherent physiological alignment. And then you suddenly people hear things that they literally didn't hear before. It's like I didn't know. And that person saying, I've been saying this for 12 months, and I've only just heard it now because I'm listening different. There's a different part of my, my being that has been activated.

Daniel Franco: 1:13:29

Well, I think that's been activated in me today. I, I always understood the importance of listening. And almost the empathetic listening. I didn't correlate that. There was listening from the brain and listening from the heart, which is really interesting. So that's, I'm going to go home, maybe I don't do that enough at home. You're always listening with the intent to solve. Which is, yeah, look, I know, that's a that's probably part of my perfectionism that that comes into

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:14:08

and wanting, particularly when it's it's family and people that you love dearly. You don't want to see them hurt or suffering or even uncomfortable. We do there. And that's, that's one of the challenges that us normal humans face as well is sitting in the discomfort of somebody else's discomfort and going yes, you know, are you trying Are you trying to fix them? For them, or purely because it will make you feel better?

Daniel Franco: 1:14:39

You're asked to be because you feel better. I think I'm okay with people being uncomfortable. I'm absolutely okay with that. What I'm not okay with is things moving Okay, it's that that's, yeah, it's real. It's the speed of it slowly. all. It's like, hang on. This is something we've talked about. This is something that we've worked through. I should be seeing results right like that. In my head, because that's how I would approach it. If someone tells me something I've Oh, and that's that adaptability, try that I'm coming back to someone tells me something, I will go away from this conversation now and really distinguish between listening with the brain and listening with the heart, I'll know which one I'm listening with. And I'll be very, couldn't really understand where that comes from now. So I have this ability to switch it on, then just keep going and move. And I have almost that expectation with most other people. If you've learned something, the next day, you should be applying it right. So that is something I'm working on. Yeah, absolutely. And Gabs would probably sit there and understand that, you know, if I've mentioned something, it's almost, it's almost an unwritten law that I would want to the next day and ever, but I also understand that it can't be done the next day, and it's something that might take weeks, or months or so to take come into play. You have this we have spoken about when you teaching leaders to speak with the heart, you're working on something at the moment that you you're really excited about, can you tell us how that is,

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:16:08

and doing speaking, master classes, which I've started. And it's using those concepts that we've been exploring today about really changing the inside, so that the way that you speak, really comes from a deeper place within it's far more authentic, your voice changes, it has a deeper resonance to it. And part of that speaker masterclass, we really dive into creating your own speaker archetype. So I don't have set speaker archetypes because everybody is different. But we really look at who you are, what your character strengths are, what you value. And the purpose for you as an individual wanting to speak for some people they are, it's about speaking on stage, for some people, it's wanting to be taken more seriously in a meeting. For some people, it's they have to present to the board. So they want a sense of authority. And then we we work out a speaker archetype. And we design a totem for that, so that people can then embody that it's a very different way of teaching people how to step into a different speaking space. And then we add that with the power of presence and mindfulness, and we look at verbal, vocal and visual confidence. So I'm using my experience and my journey of growth, awakening, and being embodied and present, and combining that with my professional speaking, experience training expertise to sort of marry the two together. So it's all about speaking from deep within and owning that by creating an archetype that you can really visually visualize and step into, which is authentic. It's not, you know, clearly something this is this is you as the speaker with some of the tools around to help people do that. But it is not about structure and PowerPoint and hooks and yeah, it's it's find somebody else to do that, that if you really want to change who you are and how you show up in the moment to really engage an audience. Yeah, that's fine.

Daniel Franco: 1:18:47

But so so the totem is that like, an animal type? Is that what your symbol?

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:18:53

Yeah, I'd refer to it as a totem so can be an animal or in the last workshop, I do. One of the women in the workshop, it was a universe of stars. That's that was the image that for her. Really, really worked. Mine's a panther. Okay, so there is that there's the strength. There's the fluidity, there's a calmness, but there's also an element of ancient mystery for a Black Panther. So that is the animal that I embody, when I'm really wanting to be present and speaking and for me from stage

Daniel Franco: 1:19:33

you know, we just see the grace of that Panther just walking up on stage. I love it. We're just over well over the hour mark.

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:19:43

Oh, my goodness, that's flat that has flown.

Daniel Franco: 1:19:47

So we finish off the podcast with what we call a rapid fire question. I'm not going to hold you to quickly firing through these we do can deep dive and they are As I often ask more questions out of it so, but we are be graded and we've talked about the Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle the power of now and Joe Dispenza. Breaking the Habit. We also talked about his McGill.

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:20:15

John John Magewell.

Daniel Franco: 1:20:19

Ru is Yeah. Miguel Ruiz The Four Agreements. What's one book you're reading right now?

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:20:26

No problem. No self.

Daniel Franco: 1:20:28

No problem. No, sir.

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:20:29

It's Michael Neubauer. Okay, and it's where neuroscience is catching up with Buddhism. Interesting. Very interesting. So that's the concept of no self. So when we have a concept of no self and understand its or the construct, then we have no problems. Yeah. Let's say it's a mind. It's a mind bender. And I am loving it.

Daniel Franco: 1:20:54

And what, what is the most other than those three that we've just mentioned? Or are they the most recommended book that you've gifted or told someone to go read or other books from understanding self is I think, where I want that, to to come from is what's a what is one great book for understanding self or thinking differently about self?

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:21:20

There's lots I do like Brene, browns books. So all of them. I think,

Daniel Franco: 1:21:31

resume perfection for me was there's one or that? I think that will that was, yeah, there was one before that. But it's I'm not sure if it was one of those

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:21:41

trends. I thought it was just me or something. No, yes, Michelle would not the Gifts of Imperfection. Imperfection is a beautiful one of understanding that we are all imperfect. And that is, okay. Louise Hay, you can heal your life was a powerful one as well, which I think that the idea that we are way more empowered than we think we are. is a big one.

Daniel Franco: 1:22:17

That's right. Do you do you listen to any other podcasts? Because obviously, you listen to the crowd.

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:22:25

I would listen to this one. I actually don't have a particular podcast, I dip in and dip out of lots. Yeah, so I'm actually not gonna answer that. Okay.

Daniel Franco: 1:22:42

If you could invite three people to dinner. Dead or alive? Who would they be?

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:22:53

Buddha? Mary Magdalene and who would I like at the moment? Gosh, oh, Russell Brand.

Daniel Franco: 1:23:19

Russell, Why marry Michael? What's the connection there?

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:23:26

Again, there's a very powerful book I read by Megan Watterson called reveal. And she talks about the last gospel of Mary. Okay. And again, it's the Gospel according to Mary. So it's the the missing feminine piece. And the the power that we have within us to be connected with the Divine and that we are not separate from the Divine, the Divine is within us and it is in our hearts and it is love. So that really resonates. Yeah, me. Absolutely. And again, you know, that the whole I was just fascinated by Christianity and Catholicism, what's and what's happened and how it's the patriarchy there versus the feminine, which has been pushed aside but it's coming back

Daniel Franco: 1:24:29

2000 years later. You have access to a time machine. You can travel forward back. Where would you go?

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:24:43

Somewhere in the world where I could experience being fully connected in a culture which is connected with Mother Earth, some shamanic kind of or I could have those experiences of being completely connected with the spiritual world and Mother Earth. So whether that's in an Amazon jungle somewhere or in Peru, somewhere like that,

Daniel Franco: 1:25:18

the idea of no technology is quite nice.

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:25:22

Yeah. And living that life of pure connection with nature and the natural world. And in flow with that.

Daniel Franco: 1:25:31

Yeah, that's lovely. So if you had one superhero power, what would it be? If you could choose one superhero power?

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:25:45

unconditional love

Daniel Franco: 1:25:48

for everyone.

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:25:51

If that power if I had that, I could live by that. And gift that.

Daniel Franco: 1:25:57

Yes. Yes. What about for those who commit really bad crimes? How did you treat that situation?

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:26:10

That's I'd want to be able to separate the essence of the human being from the crime. And it doesn't take away from how terrible the crime is, and the pain and the suffering that it's caused, that there's still a human soul there, that I would want to be able to unconditionally love that part of that person. And if you could give that person unconditional love, would they not, then have a true understanding of the pain that they had caused? And the remorse and the desire to make make their lives? Completely different from that moment? I don't know.

Daniel Franco: 1:27:14

Is that the separating the two? Thank you very much. for your time today.

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:27:26

Thank you been.

Daniel Franco: 1:27:28

It's been a whirlwind thing. And we've gone into a few few rabbit holes, which have been great, I definitely gonna take something away. If we want to get in touch with you, where can people find you?

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:27:40

They can. Probably the easiest is on LinkedIn. Just look for Nicola Lipscombe on LinkedIn and have a look. Reach out. Message me, I do have a website, Nicola lipscomb.com, as well. But the easiest way to get through to me and where I engage the most is LinkedIn review. That's my favorite platform. Beautiful. Yeah.

Daniel Franco: 1:28:03

Excellent. Thank you very much for your time today and nuclear. It's been been great. Thank

Nicola Lipscombe: 1:28:08

you. I've loved every moment of it. Brilliant. Thanks, guys.

Daniel Franco: 1:28:11

We'll catch you next time.

Synergy IQ: 1:28:13

Thank you once again for joining us here at creating synergy. It's been great spending this time with you. Please jump on to the synergy IQ Facebook and LinkedIn page where the discussion continues after the show. Join our mailing list so you'll know what's happening next at Synergy iq.com.au. And of course, don't forget to subscribe to this podcast. And if you really enjoyed it, please share it with your friends.